I’ve cared what people thought about me my entire life. When I was little, that looked like me following all of the rules to a tee, for fear of how my parents, teachers, or peers would view me if I did something wrong. Very often I was shy around my peers because I was afraid of how they would view me if I spoke up. As a teenager, I spent a lot of time and energy convincing others that I didn’t care what they thought about me. It was all fake. I’ve ALWAYS cared DEEPLY about what other people think about me. To the point where it’s held me back in a lot of ways.
Caring about the opinion of others has held me back from going after a lot of my goals and dreams. I worried about people judging my goals. I worried about what they would think about me going after a big dream. I didn’t think anyone would like what I worked on. I was already telling myself I wasn’t able to achieve it, and I would be so worried that people would judge me for even trying.
This type of thinking is so toxic! As I’m typing this I’m cringing because I know how limiting this has been and still is for me! I still have to convince myself daily that this isn’t true. It’s so crazy how you can know that a thought makes no sense, yet you can’t help but think it.
This is something that I’ve spent years on. It has taken A LOT of work. And I still have to be conscious of it every single day. I can’t say it doesn’t still bother me sometimes. It’s still something that I have to work really hard to move past. But I wanted to share some thoughts and observations that I’ve had.
- When I really sit down and think about WHY I care about what other people think, I can’t really give you an answer. I just have this strong urge to be liked by everyone. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY. At least not for me. It’s exhausting and honestly useless. Having thoughts like “did I say the wrong thing” or “are they not going to like me anymore?” You know what? I can’t control how people react to me or what I do or say, all I can control is myself. And I strive to do my best EVERY DAY. Do I sometimes say something that might offend someone? I’m sure. I’m not perfect, it happens. But I strive everyday to be better and give my best and that is ALL I can do.
- Just because someone doesn’t agree with something you say or something you’re doing doesn’t mean they’re going to disown you. For whatever reason, I have always been fearful that if I said or did the wrong thing, people wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore. First of all, everyone has “negative” qualities. I love my husband, but he has flaws. I have flaws. We ALL have flaws. That doesn’t make me love my friends and family any less. So I have to remind myself that others who matter won’t love me any less. That part is important so I’ll say it again. OTHERS WHO MATTER won’t love you any less. If someone does disown you because of a choice you make then you’re better off without them. I know that’s easier said than done, but it’s true. No one in my life that matters to me would ever disown me for a choice that I make.
- Even if someone doesn’t respond well to whatever goal I’m working on, it doesn’t really matter. I’m still going to do it. I’m not going to stop what I’m doing because some girl thinks it’s stupid. You’re the only one who has to live your life. Not your spouse or significant other, not your mom, not your kids. YOU. At the end of the day you’re the only one that has to live your life, so you better make it one you enjoy living.
